An Open Letter to My Husband of Seven Months

Dear Ryan,

It's been seven months since we stood overtop the Grand River, surrounded by our family and friends. Seven months since we promised to love each other forever.

Sometimes it seems like yesterday, sometimes it seems like years ago, and sometimes the past seven months seem like a nonexistent blur in my mind. I know I have learned more about myself, about love, and about grace, in the past seven months than I have in the past ten years.

I've lost count of the number of times people have said to me "I can't believe you're married!" and the number of times I have responded with a laugh and said "Honestly, I can't either!" And really, I can't. We're not the average 21 and 22 year olds. We could have done things so differently. And I know we both often wonder: Why didn't we? Why didn't we wait to get married? Why didn't we save more money, focus on ourselves for a little longer, maybe start our careers first? I know some people wonder why we didn't just move in together, because that would have been the easy thing to do.

Sometimes it's so hard. When the end of the month comes and our budget becomes tight. When we don't have time to clean the kitchen because we have so many things going on, and then we end up blaming each other I end up blaming you for the mess. It's so hard when it feels like you (or I) should be pulling more weight. When it's sweltering outside and we're both exhausted from our long days and we both lose our patience within seconds of getting home. When we get so busy that our 'together time' gets missed. Those are the times we wonder. Did we make the right decision? Do I even like you anymore? 

Now I understand why marriages don't last. Why common-law doesn't cut it. Why the idea of the other person not doing their part is the cause of so many detrimental fights. Why some people are afraid of such huge commitment. It makes sense.

For richer or for poorer. We're certainly not living in poverty, but we're also not rich. You work so hard that you couldn't possibly work any harder (while also taking care of your mini-family and finishing school), and we have to be so extra-careful with our money. We budget only small dates and give up on unlikely vacations. We can't always get our favourite food. Sometimes we become discouraged and wish we could treat ourselves to nicer clothes.

In sickness and in health. Can I say that I dread the times when you're sick? Not just because I hate seeing you suffer, but because - selfishly - I am so used to you taking care of me and I like it that way.

Our promise was to love each other beyond these earthly circumstances. If I didn't love you with a Love beyond my own, we already wouldn't have made it this far. But the difference with our kind of love is that we don't have the option to give up.

Our love is a covenant kind of love.

This covenant love remains even when we don't like each other. It pushes beyond sickness, beyond riches, beyond morning breath and sweaty work clothes, beyond exhaustion and lazy days, beyond messy arguments and dirty dishes, beyond forgetfulness and disappointments.

It serves when compassion is lacking, it cares despite frustration, and it hopes beyond disappointment.

The Love I have for you will last. I will love who you are even if I don't like what you've done. I will believe in you even if my frustration can't see past the moment. I will choose to serve you even when I would rather serve myself.

This Love that is the centre of our world has shown us what it means to look beyond ourselves.

This Love is a love that has already conquered death, and I am so grateful that we can call it our own.


-kj❀


John 15:13