As we pulled onto the street that would become our home and slowly approached our house, our eyes grew wide. It wasn’t the mess of construction chaos happening that caught us off guard. It was the tree that we hadn’t noticed in any of the pictures or even during our previous quick visit.
It’s been two and a half years since life-as-we-knew-it crumbled to pieces. Part of that crumbling involved our apple tree. On the morning of our second born’s second birthday, we opened the front door to get ready for our guests, and our beautiful heirloom apple tree (that we enjoyed harvesting each year and sharing with friends) was gone. Absolutely gone. Someone had simply come by without us knowing and chopped it down. I shed some tears, but ultimately it was “just an apple tree” right? A trivial thing that shouldn’t have mattered too much among all the other serious things happening in our community and world, and overall insignificant considering all that was to come in our story.
But what was in the front yard of our new house? What did we see as we drove up?
A huge apple tree.
“He cares. God cares about all that we lost.” I quietly shared my realization with myself.
That tree that we lost wasn’t insignificant to Him. God saw us then, and He saw us now. He saw us all the way through.
Did He have to give us another full-grown and beautiful apple tree? No, He really didn’t. And our new home was truly enough for us. We had been praying just for a home (any home to call our own) for so long. We were already so thankful. But our God loves to lavish His love on His children, doesn’t he?
I’m not exaggerating when I say that has been only one of a dozen similar moments; moments where our breath is taken away for a second or two as we realize how gracious and good our God truly is.
It was only twelve months ago that redemption came to life in our story. It has been not-quite-a-year of waking up in a place so far from all we’ve ever known, far from the people we love most, but also entirely at peace with where God has brought us. There are still parts of each of us that are healing from deep wounds - wounds created both before and during our desert season - but the redemption that God has showered upon us has been a true testament of His grace - beyond anything we could have ever asked or anticipated. He is healing us with His beautiful grace.
He’s a God of Beautiful Things
One of my favourite songs during my university years was “Beautiful Things” by Michael Gungor. It talks about pain and old hard ground and chaos and how somehow God creates beauty from that. Beauty from ashes. (Isaiah 61:3)
...a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair...
Isaiah 61:3
Somehow, after all the chaos and mess that our life had become, God brought beauty.
When we left our previous home, we had to leave behind the beautiful gardens that we so deeply cared for. We had planted trees for each of our boys, we had grown berry bushes and lilacs, we had developed a huge vegetable garden, tended to the plethora of peony bushes, and Ryan had given me a rose bush on each of our anniversaries in that house. We tried to transplant those 3 rose bushes, but none of them made it.
Guess what surprised us in the front garden of our new home? Three beautiful rose bushes.
Part of that song I loved says “Hope is springing up from this old ground / Out of chaos life is being found in You”
How beautiful that He (who is our Hope) gave us a perfect visual of hope springing up from the ground because we chose to follow Him? And He simultaneously reminded me (I say mostly me in this case because I was the one most heartbroken about the rose bushes) that He sees me. He saw me as we dug up my rose bushes on that cold and dark November day, He saw me as I carefully tended to them over the winter, and He saw me as my heart slowly gave up when there were no signs of life that following spring and summer. He saw me.
Walking in Faith
I don’t want to make this just a list of all the things (and people) God has so graciously blessed us with over this past year, because that’s not the point. But I will share just a couple more things that really reflect redemption. (I actually have a whole list in my phone of all the ‘little’ details we noticed God had orchestrated after we moved)
- I previously had a kitchen so old that it was (quite literally) falling apart, and I really was okay with that because I just loved having a big kitchen that I could maximize the use of. But it definitely needed a refresh to function better, and that never happened. To our surprise, God gave us a kitchen here that was so new it wasn’t even done when we moved in. It couldn’t have been “more new.” This brand new kitchen was not a necessary thing at all, but I see it as a gift of His lavish love.
- Our previous town was a “beach town” in every sense of the word, and we loved that. We spent most summer evenings walking down to the beach. We never imagined ever living in a beach town again, because how often does that happen? But after living here for a few weeks, we quickly learned that our new city is actually home to some of the most beautiful beaches in Canada. What an undeserved blessing. We have already had numerous beach days and beach nights without leaving this city.
These gifts of grace don’t mean that life is all sunshine now. I don’t want to give that impression. There are still many hard moments and tears for all that we miss and all the “new” hard things. But what I have learned is that when we step out in (major) faith to walk in God’s will, He doesn’t leave us ‘without.’
When our third son was born (amidst our desert season) we gave him this verse:
“…fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.”
1 Sam. 12:24
Little did we know how much this would speak to our whole family over the following years. Remembering the incredible things that God has done for us, in every season, has been so impactful to our faith and has truly kept us going amidst the hardest moments. I'm truly thankful that I wrote so many things down, both in our desert season and in our "redemption" season.
When we walk in God’s will, He will put to beautiful use the gifts that He has given us.
When we are faithful to walk with God, we will be blessed (Galatians 3:9)
When we put our whole trust in the Lord, we will soar.
Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
I can transparently say that I hope we never experience such a dark season again; but I can also honestly say that I truly believe if (when) we must walk through another desert, God will be able to make it all beautiful for His glory.
Because He never forsakes us.
He can create life from any level of chaos and any type of ground.
He sees us.
