I had finally ordered return address stickers. There are always great deals on them around Christmastime, so last Christmas I did it. They said “The Smith Family” followed by our home address, with a cute little gold heart off to the side. I had wanted to order these stickers for years, but we never had a permanent home. We’ve rented a total of six apartments over our seven years being married, for a variety of unexpected reasons, and never really knew where we might be in future years. So hundreds of return address stickers didn’t make sense in the past. But this red brick house with the big front porch? Our home. Maybe not for truly “forever,” but certainly for the foreseeable future. Hundreds of return address stickers could finally be used and I was so excited to get to stick them on all kinds of happy mail.
See, I guess that’s the thing though - what is the foreseeable future?
In Exodus, God explains to Moses that He will rescue His people from their suffering in Egypt and bring them to the Promised Land. He describes it as “a land flowing with milk and honey.” (3:8). It would be a good, spacious, fruitful land. It would be pleasant, beautiful, and allow the people to prosper both agriculturally and economically.
This house was our “land of milk and honey.” We followed God’s leading to move pretty far from all we had ever known, and it was really hard for a while. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, we were given this home. Our red brick ‘almost-forever’ home. With a bedroom for each of our three babies, a kitchen for me to spend hours in, a dining room to host dinners and teach math lessons in, a mudroom to collect the dirt that two boys and a fluffy dog inevitably track inside. A basement to send kids down to play in. A backyard to host birthday parties and youth group campfires and go on nature scavenger hunts. Our very own laundry room - which we had never had in six (almost seven) years married. When this house fell into our hands as a gift from the Lord, we bought a sign that says “I will bring you to a land flowing with milk and honey.” It’s our Joshua stone. Our faith marker - God provided, as He always does, when there seemed to be no other way. We accepted with open hands, never failing to remind ourselves (and many others) of the immense blessing of this home. Never taking for granted what God had done, and trying to be as generous as we could be with the space that we were given.
We had lots of exciting ideas. Ryan had planned to make a backyard ice rink for this upcoming winter. We dreamed of teaching the boys to skate, and hosting more backyard-youth fun. We had started prepping our giant vegetable garden for next year’s planting. We were excited to watch our balsam fir tree hedge grow to become taller than the boys. Ryan had measured for a gate to the yard. Is that the foreseeable future? We thought so.
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“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away” (Job 1:21).
“...plans to prosper you and not to harm you...” (Jeremiah 29:11).
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:6).
“God is not a God of confusion but a God of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
I’ve shared these words with others countless times. But how do you walk these out in your own life when your heart is shattered? How do you explain these things to two little boys who have just recently started to really love and build relationships with their little friends? Who know their way around town, who love “our park” and “our lake” and the only hardware store in town? They love the room that they share.
Those hundreds of address stickers won’t be used. My boys won’t be able to build a treehouse in our back forest. We won’t be hosting any more youth in our yard or expanding our garden or walking down to the beach for icecream in the summer. We won’t be bringing our third baby home to the little nursery we painted.
Why? I really have no idea. I know that God knows why, but that doesn’t feel as comforting as I wish it did right now. Leaving a job is obviously brutal, but losing a home, town, and community that you’ve grown to love and put down roots in is a kind of heartbreak that I’ve never experienced before.
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I didn’t realize how familiar the words had become. When somebody asks for our address, I rattle off “76 Colborne, red brick house with a big front porch directly beside Trentside Baptist.” I love those words, I love being able to define our home in this way. I love being able to share that my husband is a pastor at the “church in town.”
There are so many small things that have easily become such a regular part of our life, and it’s painful to let them go. It’s unnatural to pry ourselves away from the familiarities and comforts of our home and community.
But here’s what I still know:
God will never let us go. He will never let us down. Nobody can snatch us from his hand. I don’t believe that all terribly painful situations are straight from the Lord, but I do believe that when we love Him and serve Him, we are bound by the promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
God has good plans for us - plans to use the incredible giftings that He has so evidently equipped my husband with. There is no doubt that he was made to teach God’s word and shepherd His people. And I know this involves plans for the rest of our family to be able to serve, too. We were made to love and serve.
God promises us rest. He says that we can come to him when we are weary and heavy-laden, and he will give us rest. His word tells us that he will carry us on wings like eagles. We will use this challenging time to rest in Him; in His promises, and in His truth.
Our current season of ministry is finishing, and I trust that God knows why. In time, I know we will see it too. We have grown and been challenged - refined by fire. And now there is something ahead that will allow our family to continue to, and many even better, shine His glory.
“Now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold, which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1 Peter 1:6-7
-kj❀
