A lot has happened in these two years. We've had a lot of great moments and many adventures, but we've worked through some serious trials too. Especially this past year, I think we learned more than ever before.
- We learned that fighting is actually an okay thing.
- And when we do have a fight late at night, sometimes we've just gotta sleep. Sometimes, we'll both have clearer heads in the morning.
- We don't have to have everything figured out to be happy. We can be content in the unknown.
- We don't already need to have bought a house. (Yes, we're married, but we're still only 22 and 23).
- Our house doesn't always have to be spotless in order to relax.
- Sometimes it's better to leave the sink piled high with dirty dishes and just spend time together not doing chores.
After two years, I thought we'd have most things figured out by now. I mean, with all we've encountered, sometimes I really wonder why we haven't. I wonder why I'm still short with him so often. Why I still get irritated about his toast crumbs on the counter. Why, sometimes, he is so forgetful (I mean, I know it frustrates him too). And I wonder why we fight over the seemingly silliest small things that we don't even remember a week later.
People could say a lot of things right now. "It's communication." "There must be underlying issues." "Have you read the Love Languages?" And that's when I would politely avoid rolling my eyes (haha, just kidding, kind of). I appreciate all the advice, and people are right. Communication is the cause of so many problems. Underlying issues are important. The Love Languages need to be considered. But you know what? We could have those three things mastered and our marriage still wouldn't be perfect. The real answer is that we never really will have it figured out. We'll never get it all right. We'll never find a magic formula for a perfect marriage. There's no such thing.
Marriage isn't a checklist or a book of rules we're supposed to follow. It's a covenant. A choice. A promise that no matter what, we're in this together.
When one of us makes a mistake, we'll work through it together.
When one of us has a victory, big or small, we'll Praise Him together.
When we just don't know, we'll find the answer together.
When we're both mad and really don't want to be in the same room, we'll fight that wall between us and work it out together.
We will pray together, we will climb mountains together, we will walk those long trails ahead of us together, and we will rejoice together. Because this is marriage.
Twenty-three years from now, we will know each other even more than we do now, and I'm sure we will have a lot more 'figured out.' Our communication will probably be better, and our love languages will be even more 'second-nature' than they already are. But we still won't have a perfect marriage.
If we keep doing it all together, though, and if we keep Christ as our foundation, we will have a really good marriage. A marriage that will be strong through any trial, and a marriage that will be seen, not as the 'best' or 'most romantic' or 'happiest' or '#goals,' but as real and God-honouring.
That is our goal.
So, Ryan, I promise to choose you every morning and every night and every hour in between. I promise to look to you as our leader and build on Christ as our center.
Knowing all of the not-knowing that lies ahead, I choose you.
-kj❀
